


Growing Pains

by UmiHinode



Series: The Story is Eternal [12]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, Family, Gen, Parenthood, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-10 20:49:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17433293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmiHinode/pseuds/UmiHinode
Summary: As an eight-year old Shizuo lay in his hospital bed, Kasuka at his side, Heiwajima Namiko knew she had failed as a parent.





	Growing Pains

As an eight-year old Shizuo lay in his hospital bed, Kasuka at his side, Heiwajima Namiko knew she had failed as a parent.

It wasn't because Shizuo had overreacted. It wasn't even because he, just a child, had picked up a refrigerator like it was nothing. It was because Kasuka, barely a kindergartner, sat at his brother's side where she failed to be.

"How is that even possible?" She asked many a doctor, the sight of Shizuo's little arms bent in ways that no parent wants to see fresh in her mind. The answer - hypothesis, rather - was mostly the same with each person she asked: the brain and body work in harmony to restrict physical abilities, though the limitation can be overcome by adrenaline in extreme circumstances, circumstances that Shizuo was somehow able to bypass. In a way, it made sense. He was just a child, and his definition of severity was fortunately nothing dire in his experience up to that point.

Except this wasn't immediately after the refrigerator incident. This was the second offense, following Shizuo throwing a desk at a classmate for making fun of him. The pudding incident was no longer a freak accident. Though the doctors' explanations made sense, though they offered fMRIs, EEGs, everything out there to find the cause only for Namiko to turn them down, nothing could stop the tremor in her hand.

She had never felt more ashamed.

It was natural for a parent to be upset with their child when they acted out. Shizuo was a rather quiet kid, but even he wasn't prone to petty arguments with Kasuka. That was nothing new. But the inexplicable fear that Namiko succumbed to was an entirely different matter. It was no longer a matter of,  _how am I going to punish him_ , but,  _what am I going to do if someone gets seriously hurt_?  _What if_  Shizuo  _gets seriously hurt?_

_What if he hurts us?_

For a while, Namiko simply prayed. Prayed that Shizuo would learn to control his anger after ending up in the hospital enough times. Prayed that he would never seriously hurt someone. Prayed that her and Kichirou could cover the medical bills if this continued.

Prayed that she could be a better mother, not afraid of her own child and the uncertainty surrounding just what he could be capable of.

It took everything she had in her to not sob when she heard a certain exchange between her children.

_"Kasuka, aren't you afraid of me?"_

_"Nope."_

Kasuka was so lackadaisical when she could only dream of being so, but that wasn't the worst of it. That was hearing the pain deep in Shizuo's voice, tinged with regret from accidentally hurting the shopkeeper he had only wanted to protect.

He was just a  _child._ But Namiko couldn't reach him.

. . .

It only got worse as time went on. Once Shizuo hit high school, he stopped caring about holding back. He came home with new injuries every night after being patched up faithfully by Shinra, which was a relief financially, but that was the extent of it.

Somewhere along the way, Namiko had grown complaisant. The damage had been done. Shizuo showed no signs of changing any time soon, and so, she gave in.

Shizuo wasn't the only one growing further and further away. Kasuka, like Shizuo, had always been more on the quiet, introverted side, but whereas Shizuo wore his heart on his sleeve, Kasuka wore many masks. Somehow the already monotonous boy became even harder to read, but it was hard for anyone to miss that he was attempting to balance Shizuo out.

It was strange, really. When they were younger, Shizuo and Kasuka hardly got along. There was still a connection between the brothers; they had started getting along a lot better in recent years, but for Kasuka to go out of his way like that was almost unprecedented.

Pride and guilt tugged at Namiko's heart.

. . .

They didn't talk much, after Shizuo moved out. He was an adult with his own life, Namiko thought to herself, he couldn't be expected to call all the time. Especially not with all things considered. But she could never make that first call.

Fortunately, Shizuo saved her from having to do it.

_"Hey, mom."_

He sounded far too tired.

"Shizuo!" She beamed, the delight in her voice unmistakable. "I haven't heard from you in ages. How are you?"

_"Alright."_

"You certainly don't sound it."

_"That's not-"_

"Don't start that with me. You called me for a reason."

_"I just wanted to check in. It's been a while."_

The last time they had talked properly, Shizuo had landed a job with his senior from middle school after the last...incident. She had never met Tom, but Shizuo had talked about him often and fondly enough that he was easy to remember, and essential in getting her hopes up. Everything was fine. He was fine. There was a glimmer of hope for his future.

"Honey, you know you can talk to me."

And now, it would all come crashing down once again.

"Shizuo?"

_"Mom…"_  He began quietly.  _"How would you feel if… if I killed someone?"_

Silence, both out loud and in her mind. For a moment, there was simply nothing.

"Did you?" The words came out of her mouth before she realized it.

_"I don't know."_

She paused for a moment before asking softly, "Was it Izaya?"

_"...Yeah."_

She didn't answer.

_"Mom, I-"_

"I already told you not to start that."

He didn't.

"You really don't know if you killed him or not?"

_"He hasn't shown up since."_

"Maybe you scared him away for once."

_Who are you convincing, Namiko?_

_"I doubt it,"_  he muttered.  _"I just need to know that he's alive. I don't think I could live with myself. I just can't seem to stop causing trouble, can I?"_  He chuckled at the last bit, and Namiko wanted nothing more than to reach through the phone and pull him into her embrace.

_I'm sorry._

_I'm so sorry._

"If he hasn't shown up since, then there's a chance he's still alive, right? Have some faith in yourself. You're so much more than your strength."

When Shizuo hung up some twenty minutes later after reassuring her about his job with Tom, Namiko finally, finally let go of the tears she had been holding back for years. Once again, she prayed, this time, almost selfishly, that the man that had just about ruined her son's life was alive somewhere, that he hadn't turned her son into the one thing she feared he'd become...

. . .

...yet she'd never expected to see Orihara Izaya sitting at her dinner table.

Shizuo had never had a pleasant thing to say about him back in the day, trying his best to not curse in front of her as he vehemently ranted and raved just about every single day after school. Though he had stopped holding back his power, there was no denying that he almost didn't have a choice when Izaya was put into the question. Namiko knew she had no right to think so, but she hoped she never saw this Izaya after all he did.

_"He's the worst!"_

"Mom, I want you to meet someone."

_"He always has this shi- irritating look on his face-"_

Izaya bowed his head before facing her with a pleasant smile.

_"He's twisted! You should hear half of the sh- stuff Shinra tells me."_

Namiko watched as Shizuo laughed, his eyes wandering to Izaya and staying there, hung on each and every word he spoke.

_"I just want to fling him into the damn sun."_

And as they left for the night, as Shizuo's hand slid into Izaya's as if it were the most natural thing in the world, Namiko wiped a tear from her eye.

Someone had reached him.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Back at it again with an unusually short chapter...I wanted to write something for Shizuo's birthday, but I couldn't think of any concrete ideas (until this morning, of course), so I decided to borrow something from part two of 'Tis the Season. With it being Izaya-centric, I realized that this piece about Namiko was a little out of place, so here we are! I'm hoping to have the second part out for Izaya's birthday.
> 
> It's...strange, writing for a character that we haven't even seen in canon, but it's not like I'm a stranger to working with things that haven't been established in the series. Namiko has made appearances in both of my major fics (the phone conversation being taken almost word for word from liauc) in spite of this, and in light of a recent realization I thought it would be appropriate to write something for her. One of my mutuals on Twitter pointed something out that I think I must have conveniently been blissfully ignorant towards: there's no way Shizuo and Kasuka had completely loving parents with the way they turned out. Something was missing, and I have half a mind to think it all started with the refrigerator incident. But, I had already established Shizuo's mother as caring, and I like to think that she was: Shizuo stated in episode 7 that he had a normal childhood, and a normal family. So, I thought it would be appropriate to write about Namiko having an inner conflict.
> 
> So, as always, I have some sort of announcement to make. I mentioned last time that I wanted to get as much writing done as possible this year, and I'm already kinda off to a bad start, oops. I needed a physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, anything-al break after last semester, and though I wanted to write I had to let myself rest, so I'm a little behind. So, have a fair warning that I'll be a little slow.
> 
> I got inspired to work on a second, brief Shizaya one shot to put out today as well but I don't want to rush something just to get it out on time. I've been having some trouble, but I'm trying my best to write either a Namirona or Orihara twins fic for Valentine's Day (for the twins' birthday, no romantic implications there). I've made a little more progress on the one for the twins, so it might be the next one out, whenever that may be. As always updates will be on my profile.
> 
> Anyway, this fic isn't a lot, but I hope the few of you who will actually read this enjoyed it! And of course, happy birthday Shizuo! Varona might have taken his spot as my #1 favorite, but he still means the absolute world to me, and I hope he's eating as much cake as he wants and celebrating with all of his friends.
> 
> I'll hopefully see you again soon!


End file.
